FIRE CHIEF

L.A. County Fire Chief Michael Freeman characterized his department’s fight against the recent fires as being “at war with Mother Nature.” Yes, and as Saddam Hussein might have said, the fire-fight “was the mother of all Mother Nature battles.”

ABILIFY

Have you those ads for a new prescription medication to treat depression called Abilify? Abilify sounds like one of those made-up Don King words. As in, “The opportunities bountificated by the United States of America abilified me to become the prosperific man you see standing before you.”

KENNEDY

Friends of Ted Kennedy remarked that he would sometimes hit the ground out of fear for his life when he would hear a car backfire. On the Fouth of July, he’d go up and down like the stock market.

ADD, KENNEDY

They’re now estimating the crowd of mourners who filed past Ted Kennedy’s casket last week to be over 50,000. To be fair though, about 15,000 of those were Kennedy family parole officers.

CRUISE SHIP

A man was saved this week after jumping off a cruise ship into dangerous waters. The Bahamian tourism council says that to prevent this from happening again, they’re changing the song in their ad to “It’s better to be on the ship than to actually be IN the Bahamas.”

SCIENCE

A new article in the journal Science says that the temperatures in the Arctic are warmer than they have been in 2,000 years. Still, I’d wear a sweater if I were you.

MILITARY

The U.S. Defense budget under President Obama calls for $666 billion in military spending. That’s right, 666. Come on White House! You guys are just asking for trouble now!

BIRTHDAY

President Barack Obama celebrated his birthday on Tuesday, along with legendary White House press corps member, Helen Thomas. No one is asking Helen to show her birth certificate, but she has one. It’s carved into the wall of a cave near the La Brea Tar Pits.

POPE RECORD

Geffen Records says they’ll be releasing a CD of Pope Benedict singing with a choir on November 30th. Simon Cowell already heard a cut from the disk. He said, “Infallible? More like intolerable!”

PUTY-POO

Russian state media has released several beefcake photos of Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin engaged in a series of adventurous, shirtless activities including riding a horse, climbing trees and striding through grassy fields wearing ankle high boots. Today, Sarah Palin said, “Why do you think I was always looking at Russia from my house? To make Todd jealous! You betcha’.”

PRINCE HARRY

Britain’s Prince Harry is getting motorcycling lessons from champion motocross racer Chris Vermeulen. I bet the Queen is really pleased with this. If you thought Prince Harry was hell on wheels before, you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet!

ADD, PRINCE HARRY

If Prince Harry becomes a great motorcycle rider, he should come to the U.S. We’ve got a lot of clunkers lying around for him to jump just about now.

JESSICA

Jessica Simpson says her mood depends on her underwear, and that she “strongly believes” her bra and panties “set the tone” for her entire day. Asked how her day was going, Jessica said, “Damp and crotchless with a chance of edible.”

ADD, JESSICA

Jessica Simpson says her mood is linked to her underwear, and that her bra and panties “set the tone” for her entire day. Jessica, why can’t you be like Victoria and keep a few things secret?

ADD, JESSICA

Britney Spears says her day is also linked to underwear. Asked what she was doing today, Britney said, “Absolutely nuthin’!”

ADD, JESSICA

Surprisingly, John McCain also says his mood depends on his underwear. John McCain’s mood today? You really don’t want to know…

BIRTHERS

Despite incontrovertible evidence to the contrary, a poll taken last week says that 58 percent of Republicans either think Barack Obama was not born in the U.S. (28 percent), or aren’t sure (30 percent). So only 42 percent of Republicans absolutely believe Mr. Obama is our President. Are these the folks who Americans should trust in the health care debate? Who you going with? Dr. Marcus Welby or Doctor Demento?

THE FACTOR

Monday night, powerful right wing talk host Bill O’Reilly opened his Fox News show, “The O’Reilly Factor,” with a strong denunciation of the birthers. Funny, but O’Reilly waited until the moment that the birther cause was starting to hurt the national image of the GOP to make his proclamation. This is a little like questioning the integrity and the morality of the hit man you hired to kill your wife.

BILL

Former President Bill Clinton has traveled to North Korea and secured the release of two young, female, American, Current TV reporters imprisoned there on spying charges. The negotiations didn’t start off well. North Korea’s first response was, “Fatboy, get your own women.”

ADD, BILL

President Clinton persisted, and secured the release of the two reporters, Laura Ling and Euna Lee. And we all know what Bill is thinking about for the flight home. “Mile-High Asian chick three-way. Sweet!”

MEET DAVE

Rocker Dave Grohl has had a street named after him in Warren, Ohio. Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t want to live on “Used To Be In Nirvana Boulevard.”

UNSAVED

The original cast of “Saved By the Bell” has reunited for a People magazine shoot, but they didn’t invite Screech to come to the party. And all the Screech’s of the world said, “Life imitates art, again.”

BOWLING FOR DOLLARS

President Obama’s press secretary, Robert Gibbs, says Mr. Obama bowled a 144 over the weekend, with three strikes and a nine in his last four throws. The bad news? He now shoots free throws like Shaquille O’Neal.

ARMEY’S ARMY

As per orders and instructions from organizations such as one run by former powerful Republican Congressman Dick Armey, groups of protesters are showing up at town hall meetings on health care to shout down the events. The same folks who said Professor Henry Louis Gates had no right to shout in his own home are going to town halls and shouting down public discourse so only their views can be heard. Hypocrisy, thy name is the GOP.

PAT BUCHANAN

MSNBC’S Pat Buchanan says that global warming is “a hoax,” and anyone who believes in it is crazy like “the birthers.” Pat used to work for Richard Nixon who once said, the “professors are the enemy. The professors are the enemy. Write that on a blackboard 100 times.” So don’t believe the mass of legitimate scientists on global warming, they’re nuts! Listen to someone you know you can trust. Richard Nixon.

NEW STUDY

A new study from the medical journal Pediatrics says millions of young American children aren’t getting enough Vitamin D. And…Since Michael Jackson died, the same kids aren’t getting any Vitamin L.

WHITE HOUSE BEER SUMMIT

My pal, Steve Kelley, the award-winning op-ed cartoonist for the New Orleans Times-Picayune, wrote this: They had that White House Beer Summit Thursday. President Obama told Officer James Crowley that there’s simply no room in America for profiling. Then he offered him a donut.

WHITE HOUSE BEER SUMMIT

Joe Biden sat in at the Beer Summit, and sources say he drank a non-alcoholic beer. He uses it as a chaser for the whiskey and Prozac.

ELDER-BERRY-WHINE

Republicans continue to say that the White House health care proposal will kill elderly people. Today, CNN released a statement reading, “We withdraw our request to have President Obama appear on ‘Larry King Live’.”

SARKOZY

French president Nicolas Sarkozy fainted while jogging in the midday heat on Sunday. Apparently, Sarkozy tried to wipe sweat off his face with his bicep and accidentally sniffed his armpit.

PLASTIC SURGERY TAX

Politicians are proposing a 10 percent “cosmetic tax” on all elective plastic surgeries. So instead of trimming the fat to balance the budget, they can suck the fat.

ADD, PLASTIC SURGERY TAX

Democrats may propose a new “cosmetic surgery tax.” It’s sort of a “Botax.”

ADD, PLASTIC SURGERY TAX

There’s talk of a “cosmetic surgery tax,” a 10 percent surcharge on all elective plastic surgeries. What a great idea! Talk about a win-win. Big boobs balance budget.

OBAMA

President Obama spoke before 100 cashiers, baggers, deli workers, managers and customers in the fruits, vegetables and nuts section of a Virginia Kroger’s Supermarket on Wednesday. Obama looked very comfortable. He’s got lots of supporters in California, so he’s used to speaking before fruits, vegetables and nuts.

IRAQ

While in Iraq, Defense Secretary Robert Gates announced that some U.S. combat forces may be leaving sooner than they were expected to. Gates said, “These troops are from Alaska, so I guess you’ve got to expect that sort of thing.”

IRAN

Human rights groups are saying that persons who were arrested in the election protests in Iran are being abused in prison. Witnesses have observed officers and prison guards “stepping on their necks (and prisoners) being forced to lick toilet bowls.” President Obama characterized the treatment as outrageous. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton labeled it barbarous. Former Senator Larry Craig said, “Kinky.”

MEN AT WORK

An Australian man is suing the group “Men at Work” claiming they stole their signature hit “Down Under” from a campfire song. “Men at Work” denied the charge just before a concert in support of their new single, “100 Bottles of Foster on the Wall, 100 Bottles of Foster…Take One Down, Pass it Around…”

ADD, MEN AT WORK

So an Australian man is finally getting around to suing “Men at Work” for stealing their 1982 hit “Down Under”? This guy must work for the FEMA record label.

ADD, MEN AT WORK

And the late word is that “Men at Work” has lost the first round of the plagiarism suit against them. So I guess it may be true. They plundered their one-hit wonder.

MEL

Police are investigating Mel Gibson after a man charged him with assault in a nightclub. The guy said, “The attack came out of nowhere. I’m not even Jewish.” In a related story, Keifer Sutherland is suing Mel for theft of intellectual property.

MSNBC “Countdown” guest-host, former Gov. Howard Dean, had the vacationing Keith Olbermann on the show as a live guest from the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. Keith said Pete Rose may be on the verge of being reinstated into baseball. With apologies to the hosting abilities of Gov. Dean, I’d just settle for Keith Olbermann getting reinstated as the host of “Countdown.”

AARP

President Barack Obama held an Internet conference with members of the AARP on Tuesday. Obama was prevented from physically meeting with senior citizens because of a restraining order filed by Republicans who say Obama wants to kill them.

LET’S BE TOTALLY HONEST

Let’s be honest. Health care in America is an insurance industry crime syndicate, and cutting costs means taking money out of the pockets of the criminals. That’s why it’s almost impossible to get people to agree to cutting costs. Luckily, there seems to be enough politicians who aren’t in the pockets of the criminals, to get reform done. The others are screaming that health care reform will kill the elderly. It’s time to ‘euthanize’ those lying co-conspirators at the box office.

ISRAEL

Israel let a small group of Palestinian children from the land-locked West Bank go to the beach for the first time in their lives on Tuesday. The kids had a great time in the water. And when the shark warning was over, Israel sent them home.

ADD, ISRAEL

One of the little Palestinian kids tried to bring his dad a pocketful of shells. Israeli border guards charged him with transporting ammo.

ARNOLD

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger used his line-item veto to make additional cuts in child welfare, AIDS prevention, and health care, just before signing a budget plan that will close California’s $26 billion deficit. Arnold’s old, so child welfare…no big deal. He doesn’t grope around anymore, so AIDS prevention, no skin off his ass. And as Governor, he’s got the best medical in the world, so health care cuts, he didn’t feel a thing. Now excuse Arnold. He’ll be in his panic room.

ADD, ARNOLD

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger characterized the budget he signed on Tuesday as “the good, the bad, and the ugly.” Luckily for Californians, Schwarzenegger’s termed out, so “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” will be his last sequel. Where the hell is Gray Davis when you really need him?

WASHINGTON JOURNAL

Last Friday, on the popular CSPAN morning show, “Washington Journal,” White House press secretary Robert Gibbs dodged a question about UFO’s by suggesting that it was strange that the caller from Seattle would be up at 4:00 a.m. West Coast time, wondering about flying saucers. Today, CNN’s Lou Dobbs said that Gibbs dodged the UFO question because he didn’t want to deal with where Barack Obama REALLY comes from.

ADD, WASHINGTON JOURNAL

Probably, the funniest thing in the above joke was the part about a “popular” CSPAN show…

NEWS HOUR

On the “News Hour with Jim Lehrer” Tuesday night, British foreign secretary David Miliband said that we have to make sure Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai has “clean, non-corrupt governors able to lead change” in the “34 provinces of Afghanistan.” Miliband is right! We need to get rid of all of Karzai’s governors who claim they’ve been out “hiking the Afghanistanian Trail.”

MEET THE PRESS

On “Meet the Press” Sunday, Hillary Clinton said that she and the President “do not always agree, and we take positions.” She said they sit “around a table in the Situation Room,” and they go through a “very rigorous process and we hash it out.” And when she and Bill can finally come to an arrangement, Hillary starts her day’s work at the State Department.

ADD, MEET THE PRESS

Also on “Meet the Press,” moderator David Gregory showed an essay Hillary Clinton wrote in the sixth grade in which she said she wanted to become “either a teacher or a nuclear physics scientist.” Not even Hillary is that smart. Remember, she thought she could change Bill Clinton.

SARAH

What’s Sarah Palin really up to? Remember what she once said…That when Hillary Clinton ran for president, Hillary “left 18 million cracks in the highest, hardest glass ceiling in America. But it turns out the women of America aren’t finished yet.” Sarah’s future hinges on that “crack” theory. If only 18 million more Americans start smoking crack, Sarah Palin can get elected president.

ADD, SARAH

Here’s my theory on Sarah Palin. National politics is way out of her league. The sad part is, she’s so ignorant and unqualified to be president, she has no idea she’s too ignorant and unqualified to be president.

ADD, SARAH

But you know what, with the crazier-than-a-craphouse-rat “Birther Movement” getting so much support from elected Republicans, who better to lead the GOP than Sarah Palin? Personally, I think Palin is suffering from a softening of the brain condition known as Mavrickets.

WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL?

Republican Congressman Nathan Deal of Georgia said recently, “the decision as to major reform of how Americans get their health care in this country deserves at least as much time and deliberation as it would take to select a puppy to live in the White House.” Okay, the Obama’s got a puppy on April 12th, less than four months after taking office. And…we’ve been debating health care reform in the U.S. for 61 years, since the days of President Truman. What an idiotic comment, by Deal, but it still qualifies as the most intelligent thing a Republican has said about health care in a very long time.

OBAMA

President Obama is still having trouble reigning in support of his health care plan from the so-called “Blue Dog Democrats.” Today, Vice President Biden suggested that they go Iranian on those morons and turn them into Black and Blue Dog Democrats.

RAPE

A woman is claiming she was raped by Pittsburgh Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. After the story came out, Ben received a congratulatory phone call from former President Bill Clinton.

PEEPHOLE

A man drilled a peephole in a hotel room wall and took nude videotapes of ESPN sideline/sportscaster Erin Andrews. After the story came out, the man received a congratulatory phone call from former President Bill Clinton.

HARLEY DAVIDSON

Standard & Poor’s has downgraded the stock rating of the struggling Harley Davidson Company because of declining sales that have caused massive job cuts. And when you get cut by the guys at Harley Davidson, you actually need to get stitches. In a related story, Harley Davidson riders announced they’re cutting anybody who looks cross-eyed at their girlfriends.

OBAMA

President Obama has admitted he chose the wrong words while describing the ridiculous and unnecessary arrest of a black Harvard history professor in his own home. You know, they ought to pass a law. No texting while press-conferencing.

KANSAS CITY

According to the “News Hour with Jim Lehrer,” 23,000 people have lost their jobs in Kansas City recently, many at the Hallmark Cards factory there. So what? I sent Hallmark one of my famous home-made sympathy cards, and they didn’t even appreciate it. In fact, they acted like I was some kind of jerk!

MORE NEWS HOUR

On the “News Hour with Jim Lehrer,” Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke said he had to “hold (his) nose” while bailing out AIG and Bears Stearns. Yeah, and we had to hold out our wallets.

LANCE

A non-doping, 37-year-old Lance Armstrong finished third in this year’s Tour de France, and a lot of folks say this proves he wasn’t doping when he won seven of the races in his prime. Really? In 2001, a 37-year-old Barry Bonds hit 73 home runs, and we all know Barry was doping. So if Lance was doping this year, he might have won the Tour de France this year. All this proves is when a 37-year-old Lance doesn’t dope, he doesn’t win. Who knows how he did it in the past? He may have been a doper, he may not have been. Racing officials believe they caught him doping, but they had to toss the positive test on a technicality. Oh well…it’s left to the imagination. But I think he was a doping-doper who got away with it.

REGGIE AND KIM

Sources say Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian are already back together. Apparently, Reggie couldn’t put Kim’s behind behind him.

WACKO JACKO

Michael Jackson fans are signing on-line petitions in droves to get the late singer nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. Just exactly what did he do to achieve peace on Earth? The Nobel committee doesn’t usually count out-of-court settlements on their list of criteria..

ADD, WACKO JACKO

Michael Jackson fans are signing on-line petitions in droves to get the late singer nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. Yeah, right. Maybe the Nobel “Got-An-Underage-Piece Prize.”

FDA

This FDA is warning American consumers that many body-building products sold in the U.S. that don’t list steroids in their ingredients actually do contain steroids. An FDA spokesman said that “TREN-Xtreme,” “MASS Xtreme,” “ESTRO Xtreme,” “AH-89-Xtreme,” “HMG Xtreme,” “MMA-3 Xtreme,” “VNS-9 Xtreme,” and “TT-40-Xtreme,” all contain steroids. The manufacturers of those body-building brands lashed out at the FDA saying their products don’t contain any steroids and that the charge makes them so mad they could rip the FDA commissioner’s head off with their bare hands.

U.S./CHINA TALKS

At a series of talks designed to strengthen U.S./China relations, a Chinese diplomat told President Obama that the two countries were “in the same big boat that has been hit by fierce wind and huge waves,” that our interests are interconnected, and that we’re trying “to cross the stormy water together as passengers of this boat.” President Obama replied, “I love the cruise ship analogy. And to drive that point home, here’s comedian Joe “Gallagher” Biden with a sledgehammer to crush some melons.”

TOUGH DECISION

It was a tough deciding which lying-piece-of-crap-in-the-pocket-of-the-medical-insurance-industry-A-Hole-politician, Democrat Kent Conrad, or Republican Jim DeMint, did a better job of fighting against the American people and for the multi-billion dollar medical insurance companies during their discussion on “This Week with George Stephanopoulos” Sunday morning. I think it was a tie, but personally, I’m more disgusted by Kent Conrad. I mean, you expect it from Jim DeMint.

JIM DEMINT

Senator James DeMint believes that openly gay people should not be allowed to teach in public schools. Good luck. Try and find a decent drama teacher who isn’t also a drama queen. I dare ya’!

BIRTHERS

A lot of crazier-than-craphouse-rat Republicans don’t believe all the official documents and ancillary evidence proving Barack Obama was born in Hawaii. They insist Obama was born in Kenya. But I’ve got news for them. I’m holding a document in my hand right now that proves all these nut-job “birthers” are the illegitimate spawn of Satan and either Beavis or Butthead.

OIL

The price of oil is starting to creep back up again. Petro-Industry analysts blame the spike on the rising cost of paying Fox News anchors to defend Dick Cheney.

NEWS HOUR

On the “News Hour with Jim Lehrer,” New York Times columnist David Brooks said we need to view the arrest of black Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates through the “prism of rape.” Brooks corrected himself, saying he meant “race,” but Mike Tyson said that Brooks had it right the first time.

NEW JERSEY CORRUPTION

Just weeks before he was busted in that New Jersey corruption probe for taking bribes, Democratic Hoboken Mayor Peter Cammarano said, “Though we campaigned with raised fists, I now extend my hand.” And those who put cash in that hand got the potholes on their street fixed pronto!

ADD, NEW JERSEY CORRUPTION

Democratic Hoboken Mayor Peter Cammarano campaigned on the promise that in his administration, the City of Hoboken would not use wood products of rain forest origin. Cammarano wanted all wood products to come from the New Jersey Pine Barrens. And if you disagreed with that premise, he had friends who could turn you into fertilizer for the New Jersey Pine Barrens.

MICHAEL

Leaks from law enforcement officials in L.A. and Texas say District Attorneys are about to charge Michael Jackson’s doctor, Conrad Murray, who was with Michael at the time of his death, with “manslaughter.” Manslaughter? Isn’t that a little strong? Not the word “slaughter,” the “man” part…

NEW JERSEY

As fallout from a massive corruption bust in New Jersey, Governor John Corzine demanded the resignation of the New Jersey commissioner of community affairs after FBI agents seized documents from the commissioner’s home. Corzine said the official could no longer be effective. The mob replied to Corzine, “I guess somebody wants his legs broke again.”

ADD, NEW JERSEY

In the New Jersey corruption case, Jewish Rabbis were charged with laundering dirty money from crooked political officials and sending the cash to Israel. Those Rabbis really put the “Sin” in Synagogue.

ADD, NEW JERSEY

Oftentimes, laundered money that had been sent to Israel eventually came back to the U.S. stuffed inside boxes of breakfast cereal. FBI agents found $97,000 inside a box of Kellogg’s Apple Jacks. The agents became suspicious because the box actually read, “Apple Jack Abramoff’s.”

MOSCOW

In Moscow, a Russian government spokesman accused the former Soviet country of Georgia of preparing for war. The spokesman said Russia will take “concrete measures” to prevent that. About an hour later, a Georgian human rights activist was found at the bottom of the Volga encased in a slab of concrete.

TEACHABLE MOMENT

President Barack Obama says he’s going to have that Cambridge cop and the Harvard history professor over to the White House for a beer as a “teachable moment.” Teachable? What are we learning here? That drinking beer solves all problems. Who among us didn’t already know THAT?

BY GEORGE

I watched “This Week with George Stephanopoulos” on Sunday, and I heard all these comments coming from Washington Post columnist, George Will. “We converse about race too much.” “Presidents should know that some things are not any of their business.” “How did this become a presidential level subject of conversation?” Obama is “is our all-purpose teacher, tutor, moral auditor, philosopher.” “Leave the audience wanting more, not less of you.” “You can only be a novelty once in the cabinet and people will use the fundamental instrument of modern life, the remote button, and push the mute.” “The big question in the country right now really is should Brett Favre sign with the Minnesota Vikings as quarterback? And I will wager that before the week is out, the president will have weighed in.” Those are all things George Will said in one program! George’s recurring theme seems to be: Shut Up, Negro Man! Pretty much the same thing that Cambridge cop was saying to the Harvard history professor…Geez, George Will…tell us how you really feel!

SIMON SAYS

On the CNN media watch show, “Reliable Sources,” Politico’s Roger Simon said, “No president ought to begin a sentence with the words, “I don’t have all the facts, and end the sentence with, but the police ‘acted stupidly’.” Actually, Roger, President Obama did not END the sentence with the words, “acted stupidly.” Here is how Obama began and ended that statement. “Now, I don’t know, not having been there and not seeing all the facts, what role race played in that. But I think it’s fair to say, number one, any of us would be pretty angry; number two, that the Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof that they were in their own home.” Roger, you got both the end and the beginning of the statement totally and completely wrong. You screwed up the middle too. And you’re asking Obama to be more careful with HIS words? Seriously?

ADD, SIMON SAYS

I’m just saying that when you are purporting to quote somebody, perhaps you should actually use the words they said, and what the heck, put the words in the order that they said them as well. Maybe I’m old-fashioned…

NEW STUDY

A new study says that Israel is the number one nation in stem cell research. And now that an illegal kidney-donor ring has been busted there, they’ll be the leaders in stem cellmate research.

THE MOST TRUSTED MAN

In that famous “Most Trusted Man in America” poll won by Walter Cronkite back in 1974, the CBS newsman beat out Henry Kissinger by only four percentage points. That’s basically the poll’s error factor. Anyway, former President Al Gore still thinks Walter earned the title.

OSAMA SON

Word is that a U.S. airstrike on the Afghanistan/Pakistan border has killed Osama bin Laden’s son! Fantastic. We finally got that dirty little son of a bin.

ANGELINA

Angelina Jolie says her 3-year-old daughter Shiloh loves wearing boy’s clothes, especially her 7-year-old brother Maddox’s castoffs. Cher replied, “Oh boy! I had the same problem with Chastity…”

ANGELINA

Wait a minute…Cher saying she had a problem with “Chastity?” Didn’t we all know that?

PUNDITS

The political pundits are suggesting that the U.S. is using a strange three-headed foreign policy strategy. Hillary Clinton makes very tough foreign policy statements, President Obama makes more tempered and measured statements, and then Joe Biden makes totally outrageous statements. It’s called “Bad Cop, Good Cop…Kindergarten Cop.”

SIMON SAYS AGAIN

Simon Cowell is arranging for singer Leona Lewis to receive hypnotherapy from celebrity therapist Paul McKenna to boost her confidence. Apparently Leona’s confidence is shot, and she doesn’t have the nerve to face an audience. Leona Lewis? Who the hell is that? Never heard of her. I hope that doesn’t hurt her confidence…

IDOL TRAGEDY

A 2007 “American Idol” contestant was killed when she was run over by a car in New Jersey early Saturday morning, and police suspect homicide. I’m stunned. You’d think the deceased Idol contestant would have developed cat-like reflexes dodging Paula Abdul’s car for an entire TV season.